No 'Pieta'. No David. No Ingres. But some drippy Pollock ballocks and a comic book Lichtenstein.

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Could Pollock paint silk like this?

Could Lichtenstein?

Could that whole mishmash of modernists, that cursed crucible of cubists, that sorry slop pail of students who should have gone into street cleaning rather than inflicting their lack of skills on our ever-polite population?

I don't think so.

Try again, Telegraph.